Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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