P.S. I can't hear my feet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
