The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
