i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm going to jail i love you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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