I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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