I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
