I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
