it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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