Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
