im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
