This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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