1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
