party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
