sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
