I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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