They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
