glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
