She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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