you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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