puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
