you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
