Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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