i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
