You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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