I'm jealous of your bromance
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
