having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
