Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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