FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
