dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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