my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
