if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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