Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
