He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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