take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
