Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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