I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
