So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize