I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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