I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
