I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
