every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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