put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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