They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
