Ambien. No doubt about it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
