Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
