I wish my penis had an off switch
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
