Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
