She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
