is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
