When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
