Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
