That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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