Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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