I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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