ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
