barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
