can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well you can't waste a boner
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
